Blog 10: I Don't Wanna Grow up, I Wanna be a Toys R Us Kid

I don’t want to grow up. All these kids around me are so excited to move out and grow up, but I kind of like how things are going right now. I am really excited to go to college and get out of high school, but I’m not excited to be an adult.

I can’t wait to meet new people and grow as a person and find myself. However, that is easier said than done. I don’t think people my age realize how easy they have it. Why would I want my parents to stop helping me and paying for things right now when I’m only 18? I don’t know anything about being on my own. Sure, I know how to cook and clean and do well in school, but that doesn’t mean much and won’t get me very far. I’m at the age where growing older doesn’t just mean more privileges, it means more responsibility.

I’m scared to throw myself into the career world. I am very blessed to be an 18 year old and know what I want to do for the rest of my life. I’m going to Mankato and I am going to go for secondary social studies education. My dream is to teach social studies in a high school and have my own classroom. However, it is a competitive job market right now and I don’t even know if I’ll be able to find a job. There is no huge need for social studies teachers at all. My dream might not be realistic and that is devastating and really scary. I may go to school and do well and then not be able to land a job. I may be that person living with their parents at age thirty or something. That would be terrible!

Growing up is scary; it’s not all fun and games. Success isn’t guaranteed.

Blog 9: High School vs Real World

I love watching people at lunch. Everyone turns into animals and follows an exact science. We all drop our bags and race into the line and grab our food. Freshmen walk nervously feeling out of place. Seniors walk with pride and push through everyone else rudely. We push in and forget our manners. We grab what we want and type in our code hoping we have enough money left because ewe forgot to ask our parents the night before. Then we run out back to our tables.

Girls sit down at a table with their Propel and chips filling in right beside each other as close as possible talking. They talk so much they can hardly eat. While boys, fill in on complete opposite sides of the table as far from each other as possible. They stay staring at their food and only acknowledge each other with grunts and then begin shoveling their over flowing trays in their mouths with two hands. It is so amusing to watch and observe.

People strive to be different and not follow the norm, but we are all still so similar at the end of the day. We come from the same culture, diversity cannot be by much. I think it’s funny that people think their lives after high school in the “real world” will be so different. There are still “cliques” in the real world; they are just based off of different things. Things like occupation, marriage status, income, and success. People will still judge you and make assumptions. There will always be people present in life to do that, it doesn’t go away. You still have to work for your title and your reputation can still be trashed, just on a different scale. There will still be annoying people at work you don’t like. There will still be someone too good and too rich, someone promiscuous, and an outcast. High school is a petri dish or sample platter of the real world.

Blog 8: I Remember...

I remember…the warmth on my skin.

I remember…the sun shine blocking my sight.

I remember…racing in my car to get there faster.

I remember…breaking multiple traffic laws.

I remember…running into the hospital.

I remember…causing a scene.

I remember…running up and down halls and stairs to find his room.

I remember…opening the door.

I remember…seeing his little body swaddled up with a blue hat on his head.

I remember…seeing his perfect skin and tiny face.

I remember…his little finger wrapping around mine.

I remember…being filled with instant unconditional love.

I remember…meeting my nephew for the first time.

Blog 7: What is most intoxicating; power, love, or fear?

I think power is more intoxicating than love or than fear. Mostly because with power, afterwards comes love and fear. People strive and will do anything to achieve power, especially men. People compete, succeed, and fail trying to reach power. Striving for power seems like a life goal to some people. Power gets you places and gets you things. Power means control and who doesn’t want to be in control?

Power brings love. Women lust for men in power because it is so intoxicating. Power makes people want to be you and have what that power has brought you. Power brings envy and jealously because so many people want it and desire it.

Power also brings fear. We are sometimes scared of power or more so the people in power because they are in control. We fear how power can take over one’s mind and consume their life. We fear too much power and one person controlling too much. We fear when we do not have power what will happen and where we will be. We like knowing what will happen and what will come. Humans like to have ideas and plans for ourselves and our future. When we are not in control or do not have power and our plans change, we become lost and uncomfortable. Not having power often makes us feel below what we are.

In our society and in the world power means success. Power means, money, happiness, love, and a fulfilled life. But do we ever achieve the power we strive for? Or, do we spend our whole lives chasing it? I feel like life is more about the journey trying to make it there. But, even if we do make it there will we truly be happy when we get there? I don’t think so, because then we will just want more and more and will never stop or be satisfied. Power can be an evil thing and negatively affect people. It is truly intoxicating.

Blog 6: 18 Years

Holy crap, tomorrow I am 18 years old. Where did the time go? It seriously flew by! I feel like I have been waiting for this for forever and now it’s finally here, and it’s not even that big of a deal. I mean 18, “Woooooo”. Now what?

Sure being 18 gives you privileges. You can get piercings, tattoos, get into places, and buy certain things, but is that really a huge deal? Not really. I’m now at the age where receiving more privileges means, more responsibility. Responsibility I don’t want. I don’t want to have to handle all my appointments and information and do everything on my own yet! I am still in high school and still live at home; I am not an adult. I’m not living in the “real world” and if I did I would be ill prepared. I don’t thing becoming 18 makes you an adult, it makes you 18.

I’m excited to go to college and live on my own but even then, am I really on my own? I’ll still come back home on holidays and in the summer; it’s not really moving out. It’s just temporary relocation. My parents will still be paying my bills because I won’t be able to afford them. I am still dependent on them and am not yet completely responsible for every aspect of my life. Therefore, I would not say I am an adult.

Nothing is really going to change for me. I’m not going to go get a tattoo of a dragon on my face. I’ll still be going to high school every day and working my minimum wage job. I’ll still have a curfew and my parents will still be the bosses. I live under their roof so they’ll still tell me what to do. I won’t magically have everything figured out either, I’ll still need help. I used to think when I turned 18 it meant I’m an adult and I would just automatically have my whole life figured out and my future planned and be able to fulfill it easily. But, I was sadly mistaken. I’m no farther or better off than last year. Tomorrow I will turn 18 and then I will be well, 18.

Blog 5: Richard Fish

So, one day I was sitting in English class bored out of my mind with my head on my desk. I then popped my head up and decided, “You know what? I think I will get a fish today!” I was so beyond pumped.

Right after school my friend and I drove to Target and picked out a nice clear water plastic water bottle. It had I flip top that opened to I little whole to drink out of. It was perfect for my future fish. I had to get a water bottle because I could not buy a tank, and if I put him in a bowl my cats would eat him.

We then raced to Petland which is the local pet store. I wanted a beta fish. I knew they were very simple and often lived in vases with plants in them so I asked an employee if my water bottle was a suitable habitat. He said it was fine, as long as I changed the water frequently so he could get enough oxygen. With this confirmation of my plan, I ran to the fish section and began examining. Immediately I found him. He is blue, red and turquoise, the best looking fish there. I named him Richard! I bought him, his food and some rocks to keep at the bottom of his bottle. We were good to go!

I got Richard set up in his habitat right away. He stayed in the water bottle and came with me everywhere. He would ride in the cup holder in my car. I brought him to school, work and even to take my ACT college entrance exam. One weekend, I brought him to my grandparents. They felt so bad for him in his water bottle they bought him a really nice glass fish bowl and a castle to keep inside. I couldn’t turn free stuff down so I accepted.

I put Richard in his new bowl and he was overwhelmed. He started making all these bubbles at the top until his water looked like foam. Scared I googled what he was doing. Turns out, when beta fish make bubbles it’s because they are happy and comfortable! The only thing that stinks is I have to keep him on a shelf way up high above my closet so my cats can’t get him. Whenever I change his water, I still carry him around in his old water bottle for a day.

Blog 4: First Memory of Reading

My earliest memory of reading is when I was in kindergarten. It may have not even been reading, there was probably a little more memorizing involved.

My dad used to read me this one book multiple times a day. It was a Sesame Street book with the character Grover. It was called “Monster at the End of the Book”. It was about the Sesame Street character Grover doing anything he could to make you not turn the page. He would set up barriers and obstacles like brick walls so I thought I couldn’t turn the page. Obviously, I could turn the page but I thought it was so cool. After I would turn the page and break through one of his obstacles I would get so excited and the page would have Grover smiling. And of course there was no real monster at the end of the book, there was just Grover.

My dad read this book to me so many times over and over again that had it on lock down. I memorized that story. It was my favorite. In kindergarten, we were having “show and tell” and I wanted to show off my book. However, I also wanted to show off my “skills” and read it to the class and my teacher.

So when it was my turn I sat in the teacher’s big rocking chair and read and showed the book to everyone. I freaking blew their minds. They were so impressed; I thought I was so cool. I will never forget that day of kindergarten.